For years, I believed my struggles with food and body were all about willpower, determination, drive, resiliency, and grit…and when I failed, or slipped, or disappointed myself with what I called my ‘weakness’…I told myself I was emotional. Undisciplined, and just plain broken. I want you to know, that your food struggles are not a character flaw.
And I have heard that same scenario from numerous clients. The think I didn’t understand then was that my body was responding exactly as it was designed to. When we are under stress, pressure, restriction, and emotional overload, it is hard for us to think clearly at all.
The nervous system is smart, and when it is on high alert, the prefrontal cortex shuts off and we are only reacting out of our fear brain…the amygdala. This is why we seek ways to shut off the feelings of anxiousness, and food is the perfect coping strategy (because it works)… it is not a character flaw.
The missing piece no one talks about
Diet culture teaches us to override our bodies. That our bodies don’t know what is good for them, and emotional regulation teaches us to listen to our bodies.
All diets tell you when to eat, what to eat and how much to eat. None of those things have anything to do with listening to your body.
So, when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally flooded, our bodies seek comfort…because those feelings are uncomfortable! That’s not weakness, it’s biology.
Once I learned how to name, and validate my emotions, I could use tools to regulate my nervous system, on my own, without the use of food, alcohol, work, shopping, exercise etc. This is when my relationship with both my body and food shifted. Not overnight, but steadily.
A Tool You Can Try Today: The 90-Second Pause
If you are looking for a tool to help you ‘in the moment’ you are able to shift your emotions from reaction to response. Instead of grabbing that drink, or that bag of cookies, you might end up taking a ride to the park nearby, grabbing your journal to process, or text a friend for support.
When you feel triggered, around food, your body, your spouse, your work, or your own critical self-talk…take time to pause for 90 seconds.
And follow these steps:
- Place one hand on your chest
- Take 5-6 slow breaths-long slow deep breath, and long slow exhale
- When done, try to name what you’re feeling, with curiosity, not judgment and without trying to fix it.
- Ask yourself what you need. What does that emotion need? (I will have lots of tools at the weekend to share with you!)
Emotions move through the body like waves. According to Jill Taylor Bolte, they only last 90 seconds to 2 minutes. What holds them tight for hours or days are the stories we tell ourselves about them. (I shouldn’t feel this, I can’t do it, I’m always screwing up like this, I’m so…)
When we give them curious space, instead of judgment, they will slowly soften and pass through us. This pause to breath and question creates the space between stimulus and response…and this is the space where choice lives.
Why this changes everything
When your nervous system feels safer:
- Self-talk becomes softer and kinder
- You have the ability to respond instead of react.
- Food or other ‘emotional medicators’ don’t feel as urgent
- Intuitive eating and self-care become possible
This is the work that turns struggle into controllable action.
The best way to take some action, is to get yourself a copy of the Body Neutrality Playbook. It provides you with practical tools, gentle mindset shifts, and daily practices that help you build a kinder, more sustainable relationship with your body, and with yourself.
If you’ve been waiting to feel “ready” to live fully, consider this your permission slip.
💛 Order your copy of The Body Neutrality Playbook today.
