Instead, it can feel like a heavy pressure, some added in sadness, that is accompanied by anxiety leading you straight to overload. You might be like me and place a bunch of expectations onto yourself, resulting in your self-built overwhelm storm.
This overwhelming feeling is filled with a swirl of responsibilities and a calendar that fills up faster than we can take a breath. And for many women, there’s another invisible weight we carry through December.
It’s the weight of taking care of everyone else.
The weight of traditions and expectations. The weight of trying to make everything perfect. It must be meaningful, magical, and memorable…right???
This time of year tends to magnify what I call our emotional rocks…the worries, fears, assumptions, beliefs, and expectations we carry that weigh us down without us even noticing. They show up as irritability, sensitivity, fatigue, overthinking, comparison, perfectionism, and the mental load of being “the one who has it all under control.” Ugg.
And that’s why December is the perfect time to re-center, re-ground, and re-claim your space between stimulus and response. (See The Space Between)
In the quote by Vicktor Frankl, he talks about the little space between a stimulus… For example: “You are really going to wear that?” and the response, “F……you !!!”
The space is a tiny pause, a breath, a regroup. It is in this little space where you can take back your power. It is the place where you get to take control, and where you get to think, refocus, and choose a response that will support you, rather than spontaneously react in a way that might not.
Here are some of the tools return to again and again. These are the same tools I teach to my clients and inside my programs and workshops. Think of these as your stress reduction companions for the weeks ahead.
1. The 90-Second Pause (call the PTA)
When emotions rise, frustration in traffic, tension with family, or simply “I can’t take one more thing”…remember Jill Bolte Taylor’s powerful teaching: an emotion lasts only 90 seconds unless our thoughts, ruminations, assumptions, or judgments refuel it.
So, when you feel your stress spike or anxiety and overwhelm take over: PTA
- Pause.
- Take a breath
- Ask yourself what you need, as you let the wave of emotion pass.
You’ll be amazed at how often that one moment can redirect your entire day.
2. Name It to Tame It
Holiday stress often feels like a tangled ball of string or tape or ribbon. If we take a moment to name what we’re feeling, we create space around it.
“I’m feeling overwhelmed, disappointed.”
“I am feeling wiped out and exhausted.”
“…and anxious.”
“Lonely, even though I’m surrounded by people.”
Naming the emotion is not failure, it is actually an awareness of what is happening at this moment. And it is in the awareness we find our first success.
After you name it, we can you ask yourself what you can do to support yourself right now in this very moment.
3. The Power Five
When you feel pulled in a hundred directions, return to what anchors you. I encourage women to identify their “Power Five”:
- Five people who ground you
- Five places that bring calm
- Five thoughts or phrases that soothe you
- Five distractions that help you reset
- Five relaxation tools that regulate your nervous system
Keep your list handy. These are your lifelines when stress hits hard.
4. Ritualize a reset with NuCalm
December is a time where stress can sneak up on you.
Ritualizing your own reset can be a life changer. All this means is that you are proactive about doing something every day that helps to regulate your nervous system.
And I have just the thing. All you need is about 15 minutes where you can sit or lie down and pause, while listening to some research driven audio tracks designed specifically to regulate your nervous system and stimulate your Vagus Nerve. (this sends a signal to your flight, fight, freeze, fawn response to relax)
NuCalm is the tool. I use it every night to put me to sleep and daily when I need to regroup, or I feel overwhelmed, or when I need to really get some work done and focus. It works with all of it. Click here to try a free 7 day trial.
By ritualizing it, my stress level stays in check. I used it last year during the holidays, and it worked so well…I just kept using it. Now it is part of my day. This could be the one thing that could release not only the weight of December, but the weight you carry all year long. If you are interested in some of the research, just comment on this post CALM and I will send it along to you.
5. Choose Presence Over Perfection
Perfection whispers that if you just try a little harder, plan a little more, or get everything just right, you’ll finally feel a calm wash over you. You will feel like everything will be ok.
But unfortunately, perfection is a moving target, and one you can never fully reach. With each and every thought, perfection of a task can change, thus there is always something different your brain tells you to do, in order to make it ‘perfect.’
If you struggle with this feeling of making everything perfect, no matter what, you will always find something that could have been done “better,” and by chasing it, it only pulls you further away from being present in the moment…and what really matters.
Presence is different. It doesn’t ask you to perform perfectly. It doesn’t require flawless decorations, homemade cookies, or perfectly wrapped gifts.
Presence simply invites you to show up as you are, human, perfectly imperfect, and wonderfully enough.
Because in the end, people won’t remember whether the napkins matched or if the tape was straight. They’ll remember how they felt being with you. They’ll remember your presence.
Your presence, not your attempt at a perfect performance, is the real gift.
My wish for you this season…
To give yourself permission to…
- Rest
- Say no
- Set boundaries
- Have fun
- Feel what you feel
- Be silly
- Choose your well-being
You don’t need to earn your right to slow down or prove your worth through doing everything, because your peace matters too. Remember the old saying…put your oxygen mask on first. Self-care is essential to being present during this holiday season.
So, this December, let compassion be your companion.
Let calmness be your anchor and let body neutrality remind you that you are worthy, not because of what you accomplish, or what you look like, but because of who you are.
