The Voice in Your Head Isn’t Telling the Truth

I don’t know about you, but the voice in my head always felt like it was me. That it knows everything, and is always right. It is known, truthful, personal, and intimate. Does your inner critic sound like that too? Like your thoughts are true and on repeat?

Does it use your language, and it show up whenever you look in the mirror, try to pick out clothes or deciding whether or not to go to that event too? Well, maybe yours talks to you at other times. Comment below and let me know…Mine used to show up every time I put clothes on, looked in the mirror, or had to go somewhere, where there would be people I knew.

Here is what I have learned!

The truth is… that inner voice you hear IS NOT TELLING THE TRUTH! The words and phrases that it repeats did not start with you! You learned them all from absorbing words, phrases, looks, and experiences that have been happening all around you…since the day you were born!

A few of the thoughts I remember…”what a chubby baby, she has such chunky thighs, wow, he’s a stocky one isn’t she? He (yes, he) is like a bull in a China shop!” These all formed beliefs and thought trains inside of my head. (Read The Body Joyful-My journey from self-loathing to self-acceptance to learn more!)

Because of the work I have done on myself, I realize this now…so I will often ask clients, “When did you first start talking to yourself this way?” and very few can point to a single moment. Instead, they describe a slow accumulation.

Maybe they all started with a single simple comment overheard in childhood, or a mother’s constant dieting behavior, or a coach weighing in players making comments, or a doctor focusing more on the scale than the person…or a culture that equates discipline with self-worth.

Over time, all these messages fuse into an inner narrative…one that evaluates, critiques, and monitors you and your body all day long.

Research shows that the average woman has thousands of appearance-related thoughts per day, many of them negative or judgmental. And because these thoughts become so repetitive, the brain starts to treat them like facts. “This is just who I am.”

So, when the voice says: You shouldn’t wear that, those people are judging you, you will never be able to control yourself, your body is all wrong….It feels believable.

Believability is not truth.

All these thoughts become patterns of thought we have internalized and then repeated long enough to believe that they are true.  They become who we think we are…even when they are not.

We grow up thinking that this negative self-talk is actually helpful.

Well, let me ask you this: How is it working for you?

The truth is that negative self-talk (especially around food and body) doesn’t motivate change, it actually creates stress.

This stress turns into anxiety, overwhelm, shame, depression, worry and more…It also narrows our thinking, limits creativity, and keeps us stuck in survival mode. That’s why so many women describe feeling “on edge” around food, clothing, other people’s opinions, and social situations…even when they are in safe places.

A change in thinking

You learned to be negative about your body…food and/or exercise. This only means you can unlearn it …and then relearn it with Body Neutrality.

This is because Body Neutrality doesn’t try to silence this voice overnight. Instead, it introduces something radical: just a slight pause. A moment to say, “Oh. This is that voice.”

I once worked with a woman who avoided work presentations…not because she lacked expertise, but because she was convinced everyone would be focused on her body and what she was wearing. When she began practicing body-neutral awareness, she noticed the pattern: before every presentation, she reminded herself that her body was what helped her do every presentation she has ever done.

That here presentations were well received by her colleagues most of the time…that her body was capable to carry her through the presentation, and that at least some of the people there wanted to hear what she had to say. Maybe even some of them were worried about their bodies too!

And…nothing about her body has changed….it was just her relationship to the inner voice that changed. She had decided it was doing more damage than good and stopped listening to it or obeying it.

This is where the freedom begins.

Body neutrality helps you understand that our thoughts are learned, not innate. And what’s learned can be questioned.

🎉 The Body Neutrality Playbook offers practical tools to slow down automatic self-criticism and reclaim mental space. Click here to order your copy today! The Kindle version is only .99 cents through our launch!