From the book :The Body Joyful by Anne Poirier:
“I stand naked in front of the full-length mirror in the dressing room. Something familiar bubbles up from the knot in my stomach. Captain Criticism and her team begin to rally. The shame-storm and judgment jury are gathered in the corner of my brain. They know exactly where to look and what to say to make sure they are heard…loud and clear by me.” …..
Your turn… Imagine standing in front of a full-length mirror.
Also naked. You have been asked to gaze at yourself for two minutes. Take a quick inventory of the feelings that come up by this suggestion. Did you feel curious, anxious, or afraid? Interested, hesitant or horrified? Willing or unwilling? Or did you reject the whole idea as something you would absolutely never do? Imagining the experience gives you an indication of your current level of self-acceptance and body acceptance; actually doing it will tell you even more.
Self-Acceptance is an action…
It is something we do, not just something we feel. To say “I value myself” is an act of self-affirmation that provides a base from which self-esteem develops.
When we practice self-acceptance we don’t have to condone or even like everything about ourselves. In fact, it’s almost certain that we won’t. What it does mean is that we recognize and accept our thoughts, our actions, our emotions, our bodies, — everything about us, as ours. Ours in this current moment, at this current time.
“But I don’t want to be insecure (or afraid or judgmental or angry or fat or old or alcoholic or any of a dozen other things),” someone might say. “If I accept that about myself, it means I am waving the white flag, saying out loud that I don’t want to change. Or I won’t change.” Here’s the paradox:
Without acceptance of what is, it is impossible to change.
When we deny any part of ourselves, we name that part alien, wrong or outside. To say, “I don’t want to be _________, therefore I won’t accept that I am,” is self-rejection, the opposite of self-acceptance. To say, “I don’t want to be ________, but I am, and I am willing to accept it and then move forward and decide what I want to do from there.” is the kind of self-acceptance that gives birth to transformation.
Healing and growth can enter only when awareness and acceptance open the door. According to Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, “Nothing does so much for an individual’s self-esteem as becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of the self.”
Here’s another exercise: Try on any emotion that is difficult to face — insecurity, jealousy, anger, fear. Try it on as if it were a sweater or a pair of shoes. Breathe into it and focus on it; feel your feelings. Just your physical feelings, try to stay out of the stories in your head, they are not part of the sweater! Notice how, as you accept and experience it, the feeling begins to melt away.
If you are resisting — tightening your muscles or holding your breath — try to accept and allow your resistance. If you deny the resistance, it will only gain in strength. But, like the feelings themselves, if you embrace the resistance, it will dissipate too.
Acceptance of both the negative and positive
It’s not only negative feelings or thoughts we sometimes don’t accept; we refuse our positive sides, too. In fact, some of our bright side can seem more frightening than our dark side. What a loss to refuse to accept our excitement or joy, our sensuality or our beauty. How sad to be frightened of our brilliance, our ambition or our dreams.
It has been said that the greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we deny and disown our shortcomings, but that we deny and disown our greatness.
At its very center, self-acceptance is what keeps us alive. It is the strength that keeps us moving; it is what gives us the courage to finally say “No!” or “Yes!” It is the hand that reaches out for help.
To be self-accepting is to be for yourself, not against yourself. It is the birthright of you as an individual and every human being as well. Interested in support around self-acceptance and feeling comfortable and confident in your body? Join The Body Joyful Revolution private Facebook page. A safe space where we share exclusive tips, tools and strategies to accept yourself as you are…today. Can’t wait to see you there!
